Gatekeeper of my own happiness?

I am the gatekeeper of my own happiness – my wise astrology app tells me this morning, whilst I root through 99 reasons why this morning’s anxiety has decided to rear her head [or perhaps I should identify my anxiety as a him, as the patriarchy are usually responsible for a lot of the negativity I feel in my daily life].

In the face of anxious feelings, I turn my inner light up to full police-interview-room mode, rooting through the infinite filing cabinets of my emotions, triggers and timeline of events to understand what the hell has caused it this morning.

Did I have a good sleep? Yes – my watch can give you the evidence!

Did I meditate this morning? Yes – for a whole 15 minutes!

Did I write down self-affirmations? Yes! 3 of them!

Okay then, I’ve done all the mindful practices you’re meant to do to calm yourself and be the best version of yourself. So, what the hell is bothering me? What is it that usually sets off my stress response – is there something in that file?

Frantically pulling out papers in my mind like someone that doesn’t require everything to be neatly organized to avoid a full melt down, I come across one that is highlighted in bright pink: energy levels.

Ah. I let this sink in for a moment and suddenly my shoulders begin to drop, my body can pull in a full lungful of sweet oxygen. That’s it – I’ve solved it! I’m really bloody tired. That’s it. My body is worried about my energy levels and so that makes the next step a little easier: planning a slow, mindful day and incorporating my own energy givers.