But, what have you even accomplished?

I feel calm, happy, rested, but also a little panicked – there feels like there’s so much to do and so little time to get it done. I want to get certain things sorted and prioritised in my head so I can be focused about what I’m working on – maybe that’s what I need to spend time on this evening.

There’s the slightest dull pierce behind my eyes forewarning me that a migraine is on the horizon. Another low-key brain day is probably needed [although not appreciated, to be frank].

I actually feel a little irritable this morning [a feeling that is not usually welcome during what is supposed to be my best-self, pre-ovulation phase of my menstrual cycle]. Is it stress [it usually is – and a visit to the homeopath also confirmed I had stress and adrenaline levels to compete with] and if so, what exactly is it?!

I invite my stress in whilst I drink my morning tea, take a deep breath and wait.

She’s fidgeting, scowling. She’s getting up and down like she can’t decide what position she wants to be in. She starts pacing and a long stream of unfiltered thoughts fly out of her rapidly moving mouth, pinging around the room and bouncing off the walls.

I can feel the chaos she brings but I don’t dare to interrupt her as I realise she’s building to a crescendo and, knowing her, once that happens she will collapse into the chair with a sigh of relief.

The content of her tangent is that, as I suspected, there’s so fucking MUCH to do and it’s difficult to even know where to begin. And while we’re on the subject of trying to figure that out we still need to attend our 40-hour-a-week job, and whilst we do that, we don’t have time to get everything else done. Being so drained of energy yesterday meant I could only achieve the minimum. And now we’re looking down the barrel of a full week of work ahead without the sense of personal accomplishment to carry us through.

She then does collapse onto the armchair and sags as though the words have physically deflated her body.

Ah. The sense of accomplishment. I should have known.

I think I’ll always have that stern, self-critical voice telling me I can do more. Right now, I am a business beginner. I’m learning. And I’m learning so much every day. About who I am, what I can do, what my priorities are and how best to work with all of this. I’m taking action to achieve my dream.

Everything I’m doing is with that in mind. Even if I get it wrong or tire myself out so that I have to rest instead of accomplishing. It’s all for that bigger picture.