Day 20. First Quarter. January 7th.

The above does give good reasons to why I may feel the ‘Sunday Scaries’ – although not that I need to justify my emotions for them to feel valued.

However, looking at it closely, these three separate moments in time do offer up some wisdom as to why the thought of returning to work tomorrow has quickened my heart rate and sent my mind racing. Again, not that I’m justifying emotions – it’s more that it gives me a sense of relief; a whooshing sigh followed by ‘Oh of course I’m feeling like this!’

Let’s break it down:

Day 20 – I am, of course, referring to where I am in my menstrual cycle. For someone who has a shorter cycle, this officially means I am in the build up to menstruation. Progesterone is building, my body is on high alert for danger as I may well be pregnant [or so she thinks] and I have a strong desire to stay bundled under blankets with my dog [Luna], drink copious amounts of tea and organise everything in sight [because why on earth is my boyfriend’s Amazon package still sitting on the coffee table when he opened it yesterday?!].

First Quarter: Now, I’ve never been someone to charge my crystals in a full moon or follow my horoscope, but learning about the moon’s shift in energies has a made a lot of sense to me. I first witnessed it working in a bar in a seaside town in Portugal. And without even glancing outside, we could always pinpoint when there was a full moon, due to the strange, sizzling energy in the air. Since then, I’ve learned that the Lunar Cycle is similar to our own cycles as woman [or those who menstruate]. The First Quarter is similar to the time exactly between the first day we menstruate and the day we ovulate. This means there is a new energy building, which may feel like we are being pulled along by an invisible tide – resisting this urge is something I struggle with most cycles as I feel a sudden disapproving voice in my head pushing me to do more and get more done.

January 7th. It speaks for itself, doesn’t it? All those projects and conversations I put off in December are now rearing their heads. And to add to the intensity, I’ve taken a week’s holiday for the first week of January – after an incredibly stressful and chaotic December.

So, let’s put that all together: my body and hormones are on high alert for danger and stress, warning me to stay in the comfort of my little flat. The moon’s energy is urging me to get moving and she’s pulling me out into the world. I return to work tomorrow into what feels like an overwhelming void of problems to solve.

And there is the moment when it all fits together. The last piece of the puzzle slotting into place, when it had been sitting right there on the carpet all along, just outside of my peripheral. And even thought I haven’t necessarily done anything, I’m now aware of why my body is retreating into its flight mode stress response – and just that understanding somehow, makes it all a little bit easier to manage.